Crystal creamy -

I’m getting tired of knowing so much of you

Only when I’m dreaming

Underneath those heavy lids lay

Oceans of poison and decades of layered mourning

Will I ever have you back?

There are moments of relief when I feel you are here but

I have learned not to put any trust into them

For before I know it, you are gone again

And I’m back to questioning

Whether I ever knew

You at all

There’s so much I don’t know

About the person who raised me because for all those years

Now I’ve found myself unsystematically searching

For fillings of you in other people

Blindfold over my eyes with my arms stretched out,

I’m grasping for a light and creating burns

In places I can’t feel yet

You’ve always been my best friend,

My savior and my protector

My teacher and my freer

But I was so young and blind for so long

I couldn’t see the cages you were binded in and how the lengths

You went to for me was one of the only things

Helping keep you free

And then